Keeping busy

Last night, Julia and I had a wonderful mother and daughter dinner at a local restaurant. Sometimes, she seems so much more than seven when she tells our server exactly what she wants for dinner. She also is very thoughtful and had many questions for me when we discussed her little brother in Bulgaria over dinner. Over the last few days, she has also begun praying in earnest to God to watch out for her brother and to bring him home soon.

After dinner, we headed to Target or as my friend Kelly likes to call it, the mother ship. I needed to pick up some things for Rob and Julia for the following week, but I was also wanting to pick out a few items for our little boy. Someone once asked me if you went through a nesting phase when you are adopting as many women do when they are expecting. My answer is a resounding "YES!" But, I must admit that looking for things for our son at Target also serves another purpose. In this time of waiting on news about our dossier from Bulgaria, there is not much to do in the way of adoption paperwork, but I need to feel like I am doing something for our child. Preparing for our first visit with him in Bulgaria and his ultimate arrival home gives me the much needed sense of doing something for him.

Once in Target, Julia and I went to the dollar isle first to see what jewels we could find. Julia found two sets of flash cards (possibly useful in helping a small child to learn English), and I found several coloring books and Winnie the Pooh books for fifty cents each. From there, we headed to the infant and toddler department to look at little boy clothes and other items. I have bought our son some size 4T clothing recently since he will be almost four years old by the time we get to bring him home, but I honestly don't know what size he is currently. I am just guessing. The only pictures we have of him are a year old now, and at the time the pictures were taken, he was only two and half. So for this shopping trip, I decided to forgo another clothing purchase.

Instead, Julia and I went to look at the baby blankets and sippy cups. Our teacher at one of our adoption training classes at our agency suggested buying our child a blanket and then sleeping with the blanket for weeks before giving it to our son when we arrived in Bulgaria. That way, my scent will be on the blanket and will help keep me in his memory when we have to go back to the states to continue the adoption process. I found a very precious and very soft blanket with a little puppy on it that I think will be perfect. Julia asked me why we were getting her brother a baby blanket even though he was a toddler, and I reminded her of how much she loved Soft Blanket (yes, she named it) and of how even though she was seven and Soft Blanket had lots of holes in it, she still kept it in her room and would not allow anyone to throw it away.

The puppy blanket will also go nicely with the little plush dog that I got for our son as a sleeping buddy. I am actually going to get him another one of these dogs just like the original in case the first one gets left at the orphanage. I will probably sleep with the plush dog for the next few weeks for the same reason that I will sleep with the blanket.

The thought of actually being there to give our son these items makes me both happy and sad at the same time. I am happy thinking about meeting him and seeing him with my own two eyes, but I am also saddened because I cannot touch him or hold him now. Sometimes, my heart actually aches with the desire to hold his little hand and to wrap in him in my arms. From looking over his pictures for these last six months, I have memorized every nuance of his sweet face. Now, I just long to hear his voice, see his smile and hold him close. I take comfort in knowing that his foster grandmother is giving him lots of hugs and kisses in the mean time.