Monday, April 5, 2010
Why did I pick Dreams That Move the Mountains as the title for my blog? Obviously, the title is in the lyrics of a Christian song by the band Kutless that I can't seem to get out of my head lately, but it is so much more than that. I listen to those lyrics, and I find myself in that song. I listen to those lyrics, and I find, my husband, Rob in that song. Our hearts have been broken, but now God is making them new. Silent prayers and many not so silent are finally being answered. We are now learning what faith can do.
You see, every day for almost three years, we have faithfully prayed for God to bless us with another child, yet I was unable to get pregnant. Every month was filled with heartache and disappointment once we would realize that yet again I was not pregnant. There were many doctors visits to determine what could be done, and we tried everything that was suggested to help us conceive a child. But, me getting pregnant was not God's plan for us.
Rob began talking to me about adoption in the spring of last year during a visit to the fertility clinic in Nashville. However, I was not on the same page yet. I still wanted to be pregnant. But, in the weeks that followed my heart would begin to soften, and God's plan slowly began revealing itself to me.
A few days after our last visit to the fertility clinic, we learned that I had Protein S Deficiency, which is a hereditary clotting disorder. Having Protein S Deficiency meant that I would need to be on a blood thinner for the rest of my life and that I would be an extremely high risk pregnancy. My OB who is always forthright (I appreciate this) told me in no uncertain terms that she would prefer me not to try to get pregnant and that if I did, I was risking leaving my daughter without a mother. This was a risk that I was not willing to take. So, the door closed gently and tearfully on that chapter of my life.
My heart was broken. I mourned what was not meant to be. A friend suggested that I subscribe to a newsletter on dealing with infertility that was written by Bethany Christian Services. So, I did. When I received the newsletter, I also received a packet on adoption. Through the months and weeks that followed, articles on adoption appeared in magazines that I was reading, shows on television that I happened upon while flipping channels, and I met more and more people who were parents of adopted children. It seemed adoption was everywhere. I began talking with Rob about adoption, and in December of 2009 we prayerfully decided that was what we wanted to do. But, we still needed some prodding to actually begin the process.
In February, we officially began the process of international adoption with Bethany and became dispositioned for four different countries. Our caseworker, Lisa, began sending us files of children who were on the waiting children's list in two of the countries, Lithuania and Bulgaria. The last file that she sent was a little boy with dark brown eyes from Bulgaria that kept sneaking into my thoughts long after I had looked at the email and the picture.
A good friend of mine who has already adopted one child from China and is in the process of adopting another once told me that I would know when I saw the picture of my child. Indeed, I did know. I began showing the picture of the little boy to Rob and asking him what he thought. I think that we both knew what was on our hearts, but we were afraid to say it out loud. Then on March 4th, we met with Lisa at the Bethany office in Nashville (she is the most wonderful person) to discuss our options. Lisa answered all of our questions thoughtfully and thoroughly to the point that Rob and I began feeling more comfortable about what we were about to do. Rob told me with a huge grin as he held my hand when we were leaving Bethany's office that day that we were going to make this happen no matter what. That weekend, we went to Fall Creek Falls for a marriage retreat, and after much prayer decided that we would adopt a beautiful little three year old boy who was living in an orphanage in Bulgaria. We were already hopelessly in love with our son. On Monday, we notified Lisa of our decision.
The next 48 hours were grueling as we had to wait to hear from Bulgaria if our little boy was still available. I prayed fervently that Bulgaria would say yes as did our friends in Life Group and our family. On Wednesday, our prayers were answered. Yes, he was still available, but his files were only going to be with the agency another few days and then his files were going back in to the system. Rob and I had to get our initial application sent to Bulgaria by that Friday at 3:00 complete with pictures of our home and family to put a hold on our little boy. On Friday, Rob and I were at a Wal-greens in Nashville at 1:00 getting copies of pictures to send in with our application. At 2:00, we were at the Bethany office handing our paperwork to Lisa. We made it!
After leaving the Bethany office, Rob and I were driving back to his office when he turned to me and said incredulously, "I have a son." I replied, "Yes, you do." We smiled.
This was the beginning of our amazing journey to get our son. Yes, our hearts were broken, but now God is filling our hearts up with love for a little boy thousand of miles away who we have never met, yet he fills up our thoughts every minute of every day. We long to kiss his sweet face and hold him gently in our arms.